Scorpio season is officially here, and we’re starting out strong with a new moon on October 27. New moons always represent beginnings, renewal, and rebirth — meaning this energy is a perfect fit for Scorpio, the sign of sex, death, transformation, and the occult.  

“Deepening an already heavy focus in the most enigmatic of all signs, this moon is bound to be a game-changer,” Naryana Montúfar, Senior Astrologer for Astrology.com and Horoscope.com, tells Refinery29. “And although the road might not be easy, the place where we end up will resonate with us so long as we don’t resist change. It is coming.”

To understand more about this change, we look to the positions of the other planets. “Uranus, the planet of the unexpected, will be sitting exactly across from this moon — a position that makes him one of the main stellar forces at play,” Montúfar explains. “Surprises (good ones and bad ones) could shake us at our core, and they will likely be related to either relationships or money.”

Astrologer Lisa Stardust adds that the position of Uranus indicates that “shakeups, breakups, and breakdowns may occur, leaving us all flabbergasted. We may form strange and unusual unions with others who we may have declared an ‘enemy,’ ‘frenemy,’ or ‘ex.’” 

It’s not just Uranus at work. Montúfar says, “During this lunation, this moon’s planetary rulers, Pluto (modern astrology) and Mars (traditional astrology) are involved with Saturn, the planet of responsibility and boundaries. Tough decisions might have to be made, and our inability to express what we desire at the time might bring some frustration. The one most important thing to remember here is that we don’t always get to make the rules — right now, our job is finding ways to work within them. As cosmic teacher, Saturn tests our ability to stay gracious in the face of challenging circumstances.”

Stardust points out that this new moon also aligns with Syrma, a fixed star in the constellation of Virgo. This means “we may be inclined to use this luminary as a chance to make amends with others and start fresh,” she says. “Don’t forget, Scorpio is the sign of transformation, and a resurrection of an old relationship may be possible now — especially since Mercury is in its retrograde shadow (which began October 11th).”

You might be tempted to resist all this change, but you should embrace it. “While Scorpio’s uncompromising nature might make us dig in our heels because of the emotional intensity of the situation at hand, the secret lies in grounding ourselves and detaching as much as possible,” Montúfar says. “Then we can access this sign’s intuitive and penetrating perception and tenaciously make better decisions for ourselves.” 

Gabriela Herstik, author of Inner Witch: A Modern Guide to the Ancient Craft, suggests celebrating the new moon with meditation or a ritual. “Scorpio is the sign of sex, drugs, rock ’n’ roll, and the occult, so it’s a really powerful time for any work around those things,” she says.

You can reflect on death and the afterlife, create an altar to your ancestors, or bring to mind what you want to let go of during this new moon. Herstik suggests meditating on the Death tarot card, scrying (gazing into a crystal ball, concave black mirror, or bowl of water), working with black and red crystals, or practicing sex magick. “Anything that has you focusing on your inner world and gazing at it in a way that you usually wouldn’t,” she says.

If it’s part of your spiritual practice, Herstik recommends “working with dark goddesses,” such as Kali, Hecate, Lilith, Morrigan, or La Santa Muerte. “Shadows aren’t evil, they’re just another aspect of who we are,” she says. “It’s an equivalent to the dark moon phase itself.”

No matter your practice, Scorpio season is a powerful time. “This is a time for witches to really embrace their shadows and their darkness,” Herstik says. “A lot of us are taught that those feelings should be hidden, and we’re not allowed to have them. But during Scorpio season, we have full reign to embrace those parts of ourselves.”

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There’s a reason we can barely scroll through our social media channels without hurtling eyeballs-first into a saccharine quote about happiness, an inspiring message or a motivational meme: positivity is powerful.

Often, holding onto even the tiniest threads of hope can help us pull through challenging thought spirals, moments of anxiety or difficult circumstances. It’s comforting to know that after a period of low mood, the sky will clear and the sun will shine once more. Perhaps, we might think, I’m not as bad as my brain is making me out to be today. Perhaps life isn’t as catastrophic as it feels right now.

Conversely though, positivity isn’t the best way to help other people and can even have a damaging effect if they’ve come to you for support. The term ‘toxic positivity’ refers to the concept that focusing on so-called positive emotions and rejecting anything that may trigger negative emotions is the right way to live life.

It is often used to describe this kind of response – a sort of unintentional gaslighting – which, whether the individual realises it or not, ends up stopping someone short of expressing how they truly feel.

Natalie, 34, was so frustrated by the responses she got from friends when she spent two years trying to get a new job that she stopped telling them when she went for interviews at all.

“If I wasn’t successful, they would say things like, ‘There’ll be an even better one just around the corner’ or ‘It’s not so bad in the grand scheme of things’.

“But sometimes I hated my job so much, I didn’t want to get out of bed in the morning. And then I’d get phrases like, ‘Oh well, it could be worse!’ Or, ‘If you just stay positive, you will get the job!’ It’s just not how it works and there’s a dishonesty to it. It made me feel worse and I dreaded the responses so much I decided to keep everything to myself.

“I just wished someone could say, ‘You know what, that really sucks’.”

Clara, 38, went through agony when her son was diagnosed with cancer at 9 months old.

“He’s fine now but we went through six months of chemo and surgery and it was very traumatic,” she tells Refinery29.

“I was blogging about it and talking about it all the time. A lot of people would say, ‘It will be fine’, ‘Keep smiling’, ‘You’re an inspiration’, and that’s not what I needed at the time.

“It just didn’t resonate at all, so I didn’t get anything from it, it wasn’t helpful, and it kind of made me feel bad for feeling bad.

“We were obviously worried and traumatised and depressed. That sort of response makes you want to justify why you’re feeling sad, and you kind of end up arguing with the person about why you should be feeling sad.”

Scientist Fatima, 33, talks about a “weird cult” of toxic positivity in academia which she feels invalidates the toll that the work can take on an individual’s mental health.

“People just brush over all the negative and really emotionally draining aspects of the career path and only focus on how it leads to the good parts,” she says.

“‘Once you finish your thesis you’ll feel much more prepared as an academic’, they’ll say, or, ‘Funding is very competitive, just keep applying and you’ll get a grant eventually’.

“It makes me feel like I’m not meant to be on that career path since I don’t seem to be as accepting. It’s a lot of pressure and very lonely.”

Meanwhile, influencer Jodie, 26, became frustrated by some of the responses she got when she was badly trolled online.

“It started when I did a show called Rich Kids Go Skint and people were saying all kinds of things to me online,” she continues. “They were saying they wanted to punch me and slap me, they constantly criticised the way I look, the way I dress, said that I’m a spoilt brat and I have no clue about the real world.

“I think a lot of times friends just didn’t understand what being trolled feels like. You can try and focus on the positive but it will still drag you down, and bring on your anxiety.

“Sometimes I wish people would sit down and let me talk about why it gets me down, rather than trying to give me just positive, short answers.”

The truth is, you can’t make someone feel happy if they do not by telling them to “look on the bright side” or “keep your chin up”. You can’t rid them of their fears and problems by bombarding their WhatsApp with cute animal videos, although it may give them a short-term pleasure response. When people tell you how they feel, more often than not they want to have their feelings validated, their problems normalised, and to feel listened to.

Noel McDermott is a clinical psychotherapist with over 20 years of experience.

“The way we’re designed emotionally is to have emotions or not have them,” he tells us. 

“We can’t select which emotions we’re going to have. If we try to get rid of one set of emotions, we’ll get rid of them all and become numb to both pleasant and unpleasant emotions. If you try to get rid of bad emotions, you damage your whole internal world.

“A good example of people who will typically try to only feel good feelings is someone who suffers from substance misuse. The effect of misuse on their happiness is short term, and it quickly starts to make them feel extremely bad.”

Emotions, he continues, whether they are pleasant or not, give us lots of information very quickly about whether a situation is safe or not, whether to pursue something or to back off completely.

Instead of ignoring negative feelings, we should use our experiences to build resilience, so we are better able to cope with similar situations in the future.

“Better wellbeing should include resilience rather than positivity bias [focusing only on being happy], because it denies resilience-building experiences.

“If you avoid feelings that challenge you – or encourage others to avoid them – you narrow the range of relationships you can have, and you narrow the life experiences you can have.

“Because we’re social animals, we work best when we have a group of people we can relate to intimately. The narrower the social range of people around us, the less healthy we are.”

Dr Daria Kuss, an associate professor in psychology at Nottingham Trent University, is an expert in emotional psychology.

She talks about a psychological concept called ‘limbic resonance’, or the ability to mirror the feelings of another person in order to deepen our connection with them.

“Mirroring sadness with our own unhappiness helps people to feel understood and supported,” she says.

“If you’re trying to help someone, the most important thing is not problem solving but listening attentively and mirroring.

“If they are miserable, then it means not undermining that experience, giving them your full attention and full acknowledgement of what they are feeling.”

Makes sense, doesn’t it? So why are so many of us using these throwaway phrases of positivity, rather than a dialogue that would be more helpful?

Dr Kuss says that our own fear of negativity is a likely factor.

“We’ve learned to use those kind of phrases because it’s an easy way out, and it stops us having to mirror another person’s unhappiness, so it allows us to induce a state of happiness in ourselves rather than feel what they are feeling.”

And of course there’s that British stiff upper lip to contend with – that ‘paint a face on it’ attitude which can sometimes do as much harm as it can good.

“If we’re thinking about the queen, she’ll just deal with it and get on with it,” Dr Kuss adds.

McDermott says many of us end up succumbing to toxic positivity because we are concerned about being responsible for someone else.

“I think a lot of this comes from people feeling overwhelmed,” he adds.

“Instead, you might be a resource. Let’s try and empathise with people. You listen nonjudgementally, you don’t try to problem solve and you talk about similar experiences or feelings instead.

“The majority of people I see as clients just need a damn good listening to. And nothing much more than that.

“It also helps to normalise their problems by relating to them and not making them feel strange for feeling sad,” he concludes.

“It’s about supporting them in reducing the impact these problems have on their everyday life.”

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Dear Daniela,

As a hormonal teen, I dreamed of the day I’d become a ‘grown-up lady’ and escape my problem skin and greasy hair. Unfortunately, at the ripe old age of 34, as an endometriosis and PCOS sufferer I’m still a victim of my raging hormones and my hair needs washing every day. If I skip a wash, by day two it is noticeably greasy and needs a liberal dousing of dry shampoo. By the third day, it hangs in thick, lank, greasy clumps, way beyond help. I’m desperate to find a decent everyday clarifying shampoo that can finally tame my oily locks and help my hair last longer between washes. Ideally I’m looking for something eco-friendly and free from parabens, silicones, sulfates and phthalates, too. But I might be asking for a miracle!

PLEASE HELP!!

Rachael, 34

I take no pleasure whatsoever in your predicament. That being said, I really cannot pass up an opportunity to talk about one of my top five favourite beauty topics: scalp care! (The other four are SPF, retinol, highlighters that look dewy but not sparkly and really ridiculously luxurious body creams.) Essentially, I don’t think the problem is your hair per se. I think it’s your scalp.

I understand that sounds like a bit of a cop-out and that you’re probably thinking, Hair, scalp, potato, poh-ta-to, right? Well, they do get washed together, but in cases like this I think it’s worth remembering both of these entities for what they are: skin and hair respectively. They obviously have a synergistic relationship but the root cause (pardon the pun) of your problem lies with your scalp and not your hair. Your scalp is just skin – the very same skin that’s on your face – so if you struggle with oiliness on your complexion, it stands to reason that your hair will, too.

“There are comparatively more sebaceous glands on the scalp than the face,” explained trichologist Zoë Passam at the Philip Kingsley Clinic, and this is thanks to the innumerable hair follicles themselves. “Sebum production is primarily under the control of androgens (male hormones), with higher levels increasing sebum production. The surge in androgen production in puberty is what gives you the typical greasy hair of adolescence. This usually tapers off as the hormones settle down, but in individuals who are more sensitive to androgens, the oiliness may persist,” she added. That’s where your PCOS comes in – but you didn’t need me to tell you that.

So, what to do? I think you’re a prime candidate for a scalp toner. Used after washing, one with slightly astringent properties can help control oil production and keep your hair feeling cleaner for longer – Passam suggested witch hazel as a good ingredient, and Philip Kingsley Scalp Toner is a brilliant place to start, with the aforementioned witch hazel and menthol to refresh and soothe. You could also try adding in a weekly scalp deep cleanse with the Bumble & bumble Scalp Detox, a mousse that uses micellar technology to lift away debris and which has a very pleasing cooling effect on the scalp.

Unfortunately, you’re most likely never going to be one of those people who can eke out a blow-dry for four days, but that’s no bad thing, as your regular washing is definitely helping. “Studies have shown that the rate at which sebum is removed from the scalp has no bearing on sebum production, so shampooing more often will not make your hair more greasy. Ensuring the hair is thoroughly wet prior to applying shampoo will also allow the shampoo to work more effectively,” Passam explained. If you really can’t bear it some days (and I don’t blame you for that, hair washing and drying is arduous), the Klorane Dry Shampoo with nettle is a good stopgap, helping to absorb oil without any talc.

Shampoo-wise, I think a clear shampoo will usually be a good shout for you to avoid it being too moisturising and heavy, and I’ve really enjoyed the Kérastase Micellar range. You mentioned in your longer letter that you wanted to avoid ‘chemicals’, and while that’s totally your prerogative, seeing as all hair is dead keratin, I personally care a lot less about the use of silicones or what have you on my hair than I do on my skin. Just a thought!

Otherwise, be super scrupulous with your shampooing, take time for scalp treatments and keep conditioner for the lengths and ends of your hair only. Once you get the oil under control through shampooing and toning, you’ll find it easier to build manageable volume without the grease to weigh you down.

Good luck!

Daniela 

Got a question for our resident beauty columnist Daniela Morosini? No problem, qualm or dilemma is too big, small or niche. Email deardaniela@refinery29.uk, including your name and age for a chance to have your question answered. All letters to ‘Dear Daniela’ become the property of Refinery29 and will be edited for length, clarity, and grammatical correctness.

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How does one woman disappear without a trace? Not just any woman. We’re talking about a high-profile, very wealthy woman with a reputation for enjoying the extravagancies of life. Someone who, until the day she disappeared, was on a world stadium tour promoting her billion-euro empire. Her birthday party was held at London’s V&A Museum and Tom Jones performed. She was well known in her industry, well respected by her peers and adored by followers the world over. Even if you don’t recognise the name Dr Ruja Ignatova, you’ll be fascinated and amazed by her wild story so far.

Dr Ruja is the face and founder of OneCoin, a cryptocurrency which promised investors that they were buying into the money of the future. It launched in 2014 and by 2017 had been joined by more than 3 million people but then two years ago, Dr Ruja disappeared. She stopped turning up to the huge events and arena-size conferences where she would spread the word of her supposedly revolutionary new financial system. Though OneCoin still exists today, Dr Ruja hasn’t been seen or heard from since 2017.

There’s a big scandal at the heart of this wild goose chase but first, some context. OneCoin is advertised as a digital currency and was promoted as the next Bitcoin (one of the biggest and best known cryptocurrencies out there). It promised a new financial model that bypassed traditional banks and governments and would make early investors very rich because of incredibly low exchange rates. OneCoin reportedly raised £4 billion in investment around the world but prosecutors in America are arguing that it is in fact a pyramid scheme disguised as a cryptocurrency. It turns out lots of people who bought into the scheme are slowly realising that OneCoin isn’t what they thought it would be.

Led by host Jamie Bartlett with producer Georgia Catt, The Missing Cryptoqueen takes us through the organisation’s incredible back story. For the last six months, the team behind the podcast have been trying to track down OneCoin’s missing leader and get to the bottom of why she vanished. The journey is messy, tense and near-unbelievable.

We hear from one of the world’s highest earning multi-level marketers who was brought on board in OneCoin’s early days to help sell the currency and lead the organisation’s swift financial growth. There’s the evasive man who organised the Miss OneLife beauty pageant in Bucharest in April 2019 – a confusing piece of the OneCoin puzzle that gives an idea of the nature and the type of big money circulating the scheme. We also hear from a number of ex-employees and people who were almost recruited to the company but were stopped by the conviction that this ‘currency’ they were selling wasn’t actually legit.  

Of all the wild revelations that come up in the podcast, though, the most heartbreaking is from 49-year-old Jen McAdam from Glasgow. Along with an estimated 70,000 other people in the UK, Jen bought packages from OneCoin but has been unable to trade or cash in her shares. She tells Jamie she invested about €10,000 herself and encouraged friends and family to invest a total of roughly €250,000 in OneCoin packages. She’s now in more financial trouble than ever and is overwhelmed by the guilt of bringing her loved ones into a scheme which she is now convinced is a very successful scam.

“We thought we had changed our lives. We thought we had changed our family lives,” Jen tells Jamie of her initial excitement after watching a OneCoin webinar. She’s now part of a victims’ network that stretches across the world and connects people like herself, who invested their life savings into the currency and are now stuck and unable to do anything about getting their money back.

The podcast has put their allegations to OneCoin, which insists that it is not a scam at all. “OneCoin verifiably fulfils all criteria of the definition of a cryptocurrency,” has been the organisation’s response throughout. But as The Missing Cryptoqueen’s investigation into OneCoin and its missing founder deepens, it all gets increasingly shady.

In March of this year, Dr Ruja was charged with wire fraud, securities fraud and conspiracy but still, no one knows where she is. The Missing Cryptoqueen podcast has some hunches where she might be, though. Over eight episodes (plus one surprise interlude episode recorded from an airport) you’ll hear as clues are put together in real time to track down the now elusive woman behind the billion-dollar company that ordinary people are claiming isn’t what they thought it was. It’s a gripping journey that seems almost unreal. But it is real. And finding the woman who’s been MIA for the last two years does seem plausible with the help of crucial sources who pop up along the way. Whether Dr Ruja materialises by the end of episode eight, we’ll all have to wait and see. Just know it’ll be one hell of a journey to get there.

Listen to The Missing Cryptoqueen podcast on BBC Sounds

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Lizzo’s September 2017 song “Truth Hurts” endures as a classic, thanks to its reappearance in the Netflix film Someone Great and as a bonus track on her most recent album Cuz I Love You. And, of course, thanks to the unforgettable lyric: “I just took a DNA test / Turns out I’m 100% that bitch.”

The meme-inspired lyric actually came from a tweet by British artist Mina Lioness. In an Instagram post on Wednesday, Lizzo acknowledged her contribution and Lioness tweeted that she has been officially credited as a writer on the track. However, Lizzo’s post also disputed a claim of plagiarism from songwriters Justin and Jeremiah Raisen, who worked with Lizzo on a demo titled “Healthy” in April of 2017.

Both “Healthy” and “Truth Hurts” contain the lyrics and, in an Instagram post of their own, the songwriters play the offending segments side-by-side. The Raisens say they have not been properly credited for the parts of “Healthy” they believe appear in “Truth Hurts.” Refinery29 has reached out to Justin Raisen for comment.

View this post on Instagram

The Truth about “Truth Hurts” On April 11th, 2017, we wrote a song called “Healthy” w/ Lizzo, Jesse St John, and Yves Rothman at our studio. “I just took a DNA test turns out I’m 100% that bitch” was taken from “Healthy” and used in “Truth Hurts”. We were never contacted about being credited for the use of the parts of “Healthy” (melody, lyrics, and chords) that appear in “Truth Hurts”. After reaching out to Ricky Reed and Lizzo’s team about fixing it, we put the song in dispute in 2017 when it came out. We’ve tried to sort this out quietly for the last two years, only asking for 5% each but were shutdown every time. Coming forward publicly to family, friends, artists, and colleagues seems to be the only way at this point in relieving some of our emotional distress caused by this. The last thing we want to do is throw any negativity toward Lizzo’s momentum and movement as a cultural figure. If we believe in what she’s preaching, believing in ourselves & our own voices is something we thought she’d understand. Shout out to the singer Mina Lioness ( @minalioness ) for tweeting “I just did a DNA test turns out I’m 100% that bitch”. A meme of that came up in our writing session & inspired the lyric and melody we wrote together. If Ricky and Lizzo’s team decide to settle this dispute with us, we would like to share some of the proceeds with Mina for her influence on Healthy. The clip below shows a video & photos from the day we wrote “Healthy” along with the comparisons between the two works. All the Love, Justin & Jeremiah Raisen #lizzo #truthhurts #healthy #billboard

A post shared by Justin Raisen (@justinraisen) on Oct 14, 2019 at 11:50pm PDT

However, Lizzo is adamant that the credit they demand is not deserved.

“The creator of the tweet is the person I am sharing my success with…not these men,” she wrote on Instagram. “Period.”

View this post on Instagram

Truth Hurts… but the truth shall set you free.

A post shared by Lizzo (@lizzobeeating) on Oct 23, 2019 at 10:19am PDT

Her team has filed a lawsuit in hopes of a judicial declaration that puts these accusations to bed.

“Today we filed a lawsuit on Lizzo’s behalf to establish, in a court of law, that the Raisens are not writers of ‘Truth Hurts’ and have no right to profit from the song’s success,” her attorney wrote in a statement to Variety. “The Raisens did not collaborate with Lizzo or anyone else to create the song, and they did not help write any of the material that they now seek to profit from, which is why they expressly renounced any claim to the work, in writing, months ago, as the lawsuit makes abundantly clear.”

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In September, the state of Texas passed a law that criminalises the unsolicited sending of sexual photos via text, DM, AirDrop, email, social media, and dating apps — in large part due to the efforts of Bumble CEO Whitney Wolfe Herd, who worked on the bill with Texas lawmakers for over a year. And now Bumble is taking its stance against digital sexual harassment to the next level with a new Private Detector tool, which uses artificial intelligence to detect nude imagery sent on the app and automatically blur it.

There are over 72 million users on Bumble, and less than 1% receive nude photos (of which 40% are sent by women and 60% are sent by men). But now, any photos of genitalia and porn will be hidden, and recipients will be alerted to the inappropriate status of the photo, at which point they can choose to block it, view it, or report the sender — the latter of which will result in the sender being banned from the app.

Bumble is unique in that it allows users to send each other photos at all — a feature that apps like Tinder and Hinge don’t provide. And one might wonder why the app doesn’t just ban photo-sharing of any kind to simply avoid the possibility of nude photos being sent without consent. But while this option would be easier, this new tool represents the commitment Bumble feels to protect its users against digital sexual harassment — and sets a precedent for other companies that provide dating services to bake more protective tools into their product design.

As Wolfe Herd told Refinery29 in August: “We spend all our time in this digital world and it’s basically a society with no rules. We’re calling our peers — social networks, messaging apps, and Internet companies of all kinds — to raise their standards, and use their terms and conditions to stand firmly against digital indecent exposure. I want us to serve as proof: You can still drive massive profit and be a good business model while pushing the needle on safety and privacy for users. I want to see other tech companies and platforms take action based on what’s right rather than what their bottom line dictates.”

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Warning: Spoilers ahead for Sweetheart. 

Sweetheart is an unusual title for a horror movie about a young woman stranded alone on a deserted island haunted by a mysterious monster. Are we in for another fish person/human sex romp, a la The Shape of Water? 

The answer is a lot less explicit. In fact, we don’t find out why the film is called Sweetheart until a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it moment near the end. But if you catch it, the significance immediately clicks. That seemingly banal word elicits a violent, visceral reaction from women. Too often, it’s used to discredit us, or diminish our concerns, leaving us vulnerable, angry or scared — much how one might react to a fantastical sea-monster lurking in the shadows. 

The plot for J.D. Dillard’s second feature is pretty straightforward — at least, at first. After her boat crashes during a storm, Jenn (Kiersey Clemons) finds herself stranded on an island in the middle of nowhere. As if surviving thirst, hunger, and a scorching sun wasn’t hard enough, she soon realises she’s not quite alone. Every night, a monster emerges from the ocean, on the hunt for prey to drag back down into the depths. But when Lucas (Emory Cohen) and Mia (Hanna Mangan-Lawrence), also survivors of the wreck, wash up on the island, Jenn starts to realise that threats come in all sorts of insidious forms. 

With almost no dialogue, Clemons delivers a startling, charismatic performance. Jenn has very little backstory, but we get a real sense of her personality just from watching her walk around this idyllic setting or run from the nightmare it turns into. Combined with Dillard’s strong pacing, the result is a tightly-wound, tense horror movie that creatively reframes the genre to reflect urgent, real-world issues. 

Does Jenn ever get off the island? I won’t spoil it for you. But Clemons believes the journey is more important than the final destination. 

Refinery29: How was this role pitched to you?

Kiersey Clemons: “J.D. really focused on pitching the movie as a whole, rather than the character, because anytime an actor hears that there’s a creature or a monster in a movie, you’re kind of turned off. That was the first thing he tackled, explaining this creature and that mysterious manner in which we’re going to see it, and what it was inspired by. And then I got to really create Jenn. She doesn’t have much dialogue, so her personality and her character are all based on the ways you see her surviving. Like the way that she reacts to the suitcase of clothes that washes up on the beach — you get insight into her style, and what she thinks is funny.”

I was so happy when the suitcase washed up on the beach so she could get out of her grimy shipwreck bathing suit. 

“Personally, I was like, Wouldn’t she take advantage of this and be naked the whole time? But then that puts me in a rough position, so…”

You mentioned J.D. spoke about the significance of the monster when he first approached you. What did he say?

“At the time, we were really reacting to the [2016] election, and the fear of this monster being in office. We wanted it to be this big white translucent figure, because normally scary things are dark — we wanted to do the complete opposite of that. Just do something different from what we’ve been told has always been scary. There’s a lot of low-key political themes in it. When the two people show up, we wanted them to a be reflection of the creature as well — they’re just as threatening to her life.”

Having a black woman at the centre of this kind of story is in itself a kind of radical shift. Is that something you talked about?

“Definitely — J.D. wrote it visually imagining one of his sisters. This was inspired by them, and for them. He wouldn’t have made it without a black woman being the lead role. It also plays into those themes of black female hysteria and people not believing Black women or people of colour when we say that we’re in danger, or that something is violent to us. It’s that constant feeling of like, instead of fighting against the thing that’s violent, we’re fighting other people to be heard or to be believed. You see that a lot in the movie, so it’s most important that a black woman be in that position in [this case].”

The scene where Jenn is called “sweetheart” is subtly the scariest moment in the movie.  

“You’re wondering, Why is the movie called this? Maybe it’s just ironic. And then when [Lucas] actually says it, as women, it makes our skin crawl! It makes us so mad. Like, shut up! We’ve all been called something like that, sweetheart or honey or whatever, by a man, and it’s just so frustrating.

You’ve said you created your own backstory for Jenn, where she was kind of lost in her life, and dating this older guy before she ended up on the island, and that in a way, the monster represents this toxic relationship. It really reminded me of Midsommar, which was also described as a breakup horror movie.

“I love that movie! Isn’t interesting that the scariest thing in this movie is this man that she’s with? We really wanted Jenn to be normal. There’s nothing she does to save her life that requires skill. She’s not a doctor; she doesn’t know marine biology; she wasn’t taught to fish. She’s just using common sense. That was important to make her relatable. And then bringing Emory Cohen in, who plays her shitty boyfriend, also says a lot about her. She didn’t have very high standards before this. This guy treated her like shit, and she really has to be in a life-or-death situation to realise that he wouldn’t save her, help her or believe her. All of those times he was silent when she needed him, that silence was violent.”

Speaking of her being normal, I love the scene where Jenn catches a fish. I would fully react with that level of surprise if I managed to do that. 

“We obviously did not kill a real fish, but there was a lot of stuff that I did for the first time to get the reaction. That was one of them, also trying to figure out, once she’s caught the fish, how she’s going to eat it, and cook it, and peel the scales off, that was honest reaction. Or how to break open the coconut. I did all of those things for real, for the first time.”

This is a pretty physically demanding role — how did you prepare?

“Before I started I ran quite a bit every day because I knew that I would have to be doing lots of takes running up and down the beach. I didn’t want to be responsible for not being able to get another take because I’m tired or I’m out of breath. Basically working on my stamina, getting my cardio up.”

You barely have any dialogue in this movie. What was that like for you as an actor?

“I kind of liked it! When I ended up having to say dialogue to Emory and Hannah, I was like shit, I don’t know how to talk anymore, I don’t know how to use words. It was a test for me to rely on my face and my mannerisms and physicality. Sometimes I forget if emotion is showing from my toes to my fingertips. It felt like an intensive acting class.”

Do you think Jenn makes it off the island?

“I think possibly. Because — spoiler alert — at the end, the island is on fire. Planes fly over the island, and I think that she timed it out so she knows when planes fly over. They can see the island, and someone will come rescue her. And she’s cut the monster’s head off, so she has her proof. But also, there’s a very good chance that the planes don’t come on time, and she dies. So…”

I like not knowing for sure. 

“JD said something really dark to me about this. He said: “At the end, I like that Jenn is left there because it’s a metaphor for life. You can slay your demons, you can rid yourself of the toxic and bad people and feelings, but there will always be the next challenge. You’re still stuck on the island.’” 

What do you hope women take away from the movie?

“If your [partner] is talking to you like that in any capacity, [they] deserve to be taken away by a monster in the night.”

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Greta Gerwig’s adaptation of Little Women screened at the Director’s Guild in Los Angeles on Wednesday night, and though I am personally seething with jealousy, I am ecstatic at the reactions from critics so far.

With a star-studded cast that includes Saoirse Ronan, Emma Watson, Florence Pugh, Eliza Scanlen, Timothée Chalamet, Laura Dern, and Queen Meryl Streep herself, the expectations were sky-high, but Gerwig appears to have delivered with an original take on Louisa May Alcott’s 1868 novel about the March sisters. 

The main takeaway? Don’t expect a remake of Gillian Armstrong’s 1994 film, which memorably starred Winona Ryder and Christian Bale as Jo March and her best friend and would-be love interest Laurie. Kyle Buchanan at the New York Times tweeted that Gerwig has played with the timeline of events, starting later in the story, when the four March sisters are grown up. Through flashbacks and memory fragments, she tells the story of their younger years alongside their adventures as adults. “Call it Louisa May Alcott meets 21 Grams,” he joked. 

As for who you should have your eye on come awards season, two names come to mind: Ronan, who plays Jo March, and Pugh as her spoiled, rambunctious younger sister Amy. (Unlike in Armstrong’s version, which split the role of Amy between two actresses — including, memorably, a young Kirsten Dunst —  as she grew up, Gerwig chose to stick with Pugh throughout.) 

At just 25, Ronan has already been nominated for three Academy Awards, and if the buzz around her performance here is accurate, she might well be a front-runner in this year’s Best Actress race. Meanwhile, 24-year-old Pugh has been having an exceptionally good year, earning rave reviews for her performances in Fighting With My Family, Midsommar, and now, Little Women. A Best Supporting Actress nod might land her up against co-star Laura Dern, whose performance in Noah Baumbach’s Marriage Story is also getting noticed. (Both movies will likely get nominated for Best Picture and Best Director, which would pit Baumbach and Gerwig, who are partners in real-life, against each other in the Oscars race.)

Oh, and don’t worry — Ronan and Chalamet’s chemistry is reportedly just as perfect as you hope it is. Check out some of the first reactions below:

Greta Gerwig’s @LittleWomen is wonderful. A loving, meticulously-crafted adaptation that exceeded my expectations. Heartfelt, moving and a terrific showcase for its extremely talented cast and beloved source material. pic.twitter.com/NwcMmnx9Pg

— Kara Warner (@karawarner) October 24, 2019

For my money, the MVP in LITTLE WOMEN is Florence Pugh. Hot off of MIDSOMMAR, Pugh is having a great year, and she’s hilarious and winning as Amy, the character best served by Gerwig’s structural gambits.

— Kyle Buchanan (@kylebuchanan) October 24, 2019

Just saw LITTLE WOMEN and honestly. Who’s NOT falling in love with Saoirse Ronan? Like in any context?

— Jordan Crucchiola (@JorCru) October 24, 2019

#LittleWomen is delightful, Saorise Ronan is at her best ever & while she doesn’t send any boys to death in a burning bear suit, @Florence_Pugh makes Meryl Streep her bitch. Greta Gerwig kicks ass behind the camera yet again. Emma Watson tries.
Two bonnets up! #littlewomenmovie pic.twitter.com/TmkCmNLdyx

— 🕸🎃🕷Jakob 🕯Kolness 🦇🎃🕸 (@JakobKolness) October 23, 2019

Saoirse Ronan is going to land her fourth Academy Award nomination for #LittleWomen at the age of 25. In related news, I needed a two-hour nap today after stubbing my toe.

— Jenelle Riley (@jenelleriley) October 24, 2019

Spot the stars. #LittleWomen pic.twitter.com/WpahCI77y2

— Marc Malkin (@marcmalkin) October 24, 2019

LITTLE WOMEN is charming just like the novel/prior versions. Each role perfectly cast. Rousing score. Timely as ever. Hard not to cheer. Greta says at q&a, “As a girl who wanted to be a writer, Jo March was my north star.” We’ll see as far as Oscars—nice to have an upbeat option. pic.twitter.com/WUDmtJwjd8

— Scott Feinberg (@ScottFeinberg) October 24, 2019

Little Women is in UK cinemas on 26th December

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Racism is a “common experience” among students at universities across the UK, a new report has found.

The inquiry, spearheaded by the Equality and Human Rights Commission (EHRC), found that around a quarter (24%) of students from an ethnic minority background and 9% of white students said they had experienced racial harassment since starting their course. This equates to 13% of all students.

The report, Tackling Racial Harassment: Universities Challenged, surveyed more than 1,000 students and conducted in-depth interviews with students and staff. It found that 20% of those students had been physically attacked, while 56% of students who had been racially harassed had experienced racist name-calling, insults and jokes, physical attacks and racist material and displays often linked to student society events.

In most cases the harasser was another student but a large number said it was their tutor or another academic, the report said.

Others said the harassment affected their grades and mental health, with some quitting university altogether. One anonymous international student told the BBC that her mental health had been affected because of the racial abuse. She said: “I just don’t want to be brown anymore. I wish I could boil my skin off or bleach it entirely.”

But universities are often unaware of the true extent of the problem on their campuses. The report criticised universities for being “too oblivious” to the racial harassment occurring at an “alarmingly high rate” on their campuses and called for more diversity to create “a more tolerant and inclusive study environment”.

The report is a stark reminder of the current racial issues arising out of universities in the UK.

Two universities in Sheffield last year investigated four allegations of racism, including claims a black student was hit with a banana during an ice hockey game.

In May last year, a WhatsApp group of students at Exeter University was uncovered, which alongside jokes of rape, included racial slurs about other students.

Later that month, students were banned from the University of Warwick for up to 10 years after racist and misogynist messages from a Facebook group were made public.

And at the end of the same year, a 19-year-old law student from Nottingham Trent University was fined £200 and ordered to pay £500 compensation after admitting to chanting “we hate the blacks”, saying the phrase was just “banter between friends”.

To shed some light on the challenges young black women face at British universities, Refinery29 UK asked three young women to describe their experiences with racism on campus, and how it made them feel.

This is what they had to say….

Oseta Agboaye, 19, is currently studying comparative literature and Spanish at Queen Mary University of London and lives off campus.

Can you describe your experience with racism at university?

“My university isn’t your typical Russell Group – state-educated and BME students are in the majority and consequently, on an interpersonal level, I haven’t perceived the same levels of stress that I did in secondary school. My degree subject is also based upon cultural studies and awareness which means that my lecturers and coursemates are educated on the delicate issue of race. While I sometimes have to grit my teeth through micro-aggressions and jokes about how ‘unsafe’ (aka black) the area is, there are some wider issues. We have a society for decolonisation at our university (@decoloniseqmul) who discuss issues of institutional racism in academia and recognition is being given to the fact that more needs to be done to make education inclusive. For example, diversity of material and treatment of BME students in order to rectify the issue of the attainment gap.”

Were there any isolated incidents of racism, and if so, can you describe your experience?

“Racism can be quite subtle and covert – I sometimes don’t even notice that I’ve been insulted until after it happens! My first year halls had a courtyard where people hung out most evenings. One time when I went to meet a friend, a boy was making lewd comments to me about black girls on campus and none of his friends were willing to intervene. I laughed it off at the time out of discomfort but later understood that he was completely out of order.”

How does it make you feel?

“As a black woman I worry about how I may come across. In the past I’ve been made out to be an aggressor when trying to establish boundaries so I think, in combination with how shy I am, it’s caused me to be less likely to speak up for myself. I feel stifled in situations like these because the ‘angry black woman’ trope is very real and effectively delegitimises a lot of the things we want to say – we are discouraged from expressing our full range of emotions, which is unhealthy.”

Did you report the incident, and if so, what was your university’s response?

“For this specific issue I didn’t report it simply because it didn’t cross my mind to. Which could be an indication of how normal this is for black women in my position.”

Refinery29 asked a representative for Queen Mary University of London what steps are taken to deal with racism. A spokesperson said they had launched a new online reporting tool, Report and Support, which lists all the available support on offer. “The idea is that this tool is open to everyone – staff, students and visitors – because we want Queen Mary to be a stimulating, enjoyable and safe environment as the most inclusive university of its kind,” the spokesperson commented.

They added: “Queen Mary University of London is incredibly proud of the diversity of our students and staff. Our 2030 Strategy sets out our ambition to be the most inclusive research-intensive university. We recognise that we have a lot to do to realise that ambition. Truly embedding inclusion is a very real challenge for all universities, as the EHRC report into racial harassment at British universities has made clear. We are in the process of examining this important and sobering report to define the specific actions we will take in response to the report’s findings and recommendations.

“We do not tolerate any incidents of racial harassment and we have robust procedures in place to investigate complaints…We have also appointed Sheila Gupta MBE as Vice-Principal for People, Culture and Inclusion to ensure Queen Mary has dedicated strategic leadership of this area across all activities.”

Ava, 25, is a graduate of the University of Exeter who studied English literature and visual culture between 2013-2016. She has lived both on and off campus.

Can you describe your experience with racism at university?

“It was the first time I fully realised how racist Britain could be outside of London. A certain type of student is drawn to Exeter, and I found those that were highly privileged tended to be the worst perpetrators of both casual and serious racism, as well as micro-aggressions (which were never-ending). There was one professor who wasn’t white at the time at my university, which was ridiculous. When I specialised in racial and gender politics in my final year, my dissertation was marked by a white cis man – and it was evident from his comments that he lacked the experience and understanding to be able to critique my subject.”

Were there any isolated incidents of racism, and if so, can you describe your experience?

“I was waiting for my friend at a bar with two white male friends, who were excited to meet her because they were horny freshers and I’d casually mentioned she was really pretty. “But is she pretty by your standards?” one of them asked. When I asked what he meant, he tried to find out what ethnicity she was, in the roundabout way white people do. When I said she was Pakistani, they both pulled a face before saying they didn’t find non-white women attractive. ‘There’s something there which just puts me off,’ said one. ‘You’re half white so you just about pass – only just,’ they laughed.

I got my braids pulled a couple of times on nights out by drunken white boys and girls, and one girl shoved me as I was walking through the dance floor before laughing and hiding among her friends when I turned around.”

I was harassed by drunk white girls on nights out to help them get with my black male friends because they’d ‘never had black cock before’ or ‘had a thing for black guys’.

The English Defence League (EDL) did a horrible chanting march through the town centre and I saw two boys from my course plus a handful of familiar student faces there. I felt really unsafe after that.”

How did it make you feel?

“Like pure shit, and I couldn’t fully make sense of it at the time because I was younger. I found solace by delving into racial critical theory and studying black female scholars like bell hooks, and this helped me to not internalise these incidents with time. I’m proud of how I stood up for myself and others each time, but I didn’t need to waste energy trying to change the opinions of people who clearly didn’t want to listen.”

Did you report the incident, and if so, what was your university’s response at the time?

“I didn’t, because I didn’t have faith that anything would be done and didn’t feel like my experiences could be solved because they were about individuals. So many students at Exeter went through worse and I never saw concrete examples of anything being done. Maybe if more people reported incidents, then it would – but it needs to be expressed that it’s a safe place, otherwise people will be put off. It might have changed since I was there, but whenever anyone non-white tells me they’re interested in attending, I strongly advise them against it. It completely ruined my experience of university and I don’t count myself as an alumni.”

Professor Sir Steve Smith, Vice-Chancellor at the University of Exeter said: “Racism will not be tolerated in any form at the University of Exeter. We always act immediately and decisively when incidents of racial harassment occur but we certainly do not underestimate the size of the problem or the distance we still need to travel.

“We have made progress in a number of important areas over the past 18 months including establishing effective reporting tools and faster action on concerns raised, but will take time to study the EHRC report so that we focus on the actions we can take as a university and with partners across the higher education sector to stop all forms of racism and racial prejudice.

“We are a global organisation with students and staff from over 130 countries that takes pride in world-class education and research. I am determined that we work together as one community so that everyone feels welcome and is able to thrive at the University of Exeter.”

The university also said it provides students with an online reporting tool called “Exeter Speaks Out” as well as a Dignity and Respect Policy Statement and Equality and Diversity Policy.

Emily, 21, studies politics and international relations at the University of Bath and has lived on and off campus.

Can you describe your experience with racism at university?

“Coming to university was the first time I really felt aware of my ethnicity. Experiences of racism that I have faced have sometimes been outrightly offensive. For example, people casually using slurs like ‘chinky’ and ‘Japs’ on a group chat that I was in in my first year and thinking that it was ‘just a joke’. When I said that it was unacceptable, no one stood up for me. My boyfriend at the time actually said that I was overreacting and I should make more effort to be friends with his friends.

“Sometimes the experiences are so normalised that I don’t even feel able to protest, to use Heather Savigny’s term, there is a ‘drip drip’ effect of small incidents of racism that cumulate and create this culture where racial harassment is a common occurrence for students. Things like, people on nights out demanding to know where I’m from, and not being satisfied with my answer: ‘Err, Cheltenham.'”

Were there any isolated incidents of racism, and if so, can you describe your experience?

“A senior lecturer in my department asked where I was from, and then called me ‘exotic’.”

Did you report the incident, and if so, what was your university’s response at the time?

“The disciplinary process was bureaucratic and draining, I found myself having to repeat the story again and again. I had to have a one hour interview with an investigation panel made up of three people, who were unfriendly and used complicated terminology that I didn’t really understand. I waited months to hear back from the investigation. I finally got the university’s outcome that the evidence heard from my lecturer indicated that he was describing the country of Korea as ‘exotic’, nothing personal about me, and ‘it is therefore found that there was no discrimination based on race’.

“In using the formal disciplinary process, I tried to ‘speak in’ to the institution – as opposed to ‘calling out’ the uni publicly – by giving them the opportunity to provide a satisfactory outcome, but it didn’t work. I think that this shows not only the culture of normalising racism on campus, but the structural racism within the institution that needs sorting out.”

How did it make you feel?

“It affected my wellbeing quite a lot at the time. I questioned myself all the time, as I was framed as an ‘oversensitive’ student and it was me that was the problem. Now, I feel proud that I used the complaints process, I think it is a form of slow activism and it demonstrated to my department the importance of staff training and awareness raising. What motivated me was thinking about trying to make changes so that young, female ethnic minority students in years below me won’t have to go through a similar experience.

“I went on to set up a small project called ‘Everyday Racism Bath’ which was an online space where, particularly my women of colour friends, could share their experience of racism and micro-aggressions. This turned into the NUS’ ‘my racist campus’ campaign last year. I also helped advise the equality, diversity and inclusion team at Bath with their #NeverOK campaign, and on staff training for unconscious bias.

“I went on to do my placement year at the Race Equality Foundation which is a fantastic small charity in London. Now I am in my final undergraduate year, and supporting and taking part in a funded programme at my university on the subject ‘addressing hate crime in higher education’.”

A University of Bath spokesperson told us: “The University is fully committed to fostering an inclusive and supportive environment characterised by mutual respect and we take any allegation of inappropriate behaviour extremely seriously. As part of this commitment, the University of Bath and Students Union has launched the #NeverOK campaign to help tackle all forms of harassment and discrimination, which has included hate crime awareness training.

“Under our Dignity and Respect Policy anyone who experiences or witnesses unacceptable behaviour can report it confidentially online or in person via our Report and Support Tool. Help, advice and support is available to all members of the university community who are involved in this process.

“This policy can lead to measures that range from mediation, training and development to an appropriate level of disciplinary action if an allegation is upheld, up to and including summary dismissal or expulsion.”

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The five-week waiting times for Universal Credit payments are forcing some women into sex work to meet their basic needs, MPs have warned.

An inquiry by the Commons Work and Pensions Committee found that the wait time for payments resulted in some claimants exchanging sex for money in order to meet their survival needs. The panel also warned that people would continue to be driven to what they called “survival sex” as long as benefit rates “fail to match the amount of money that they actually need to live on.”

Universal Credit merges six benefits into one payment and was designed to simplify the complex UK benefits system and help people move into work. But now this committee has called for the government to amend the five-week wait for the first payment, which it has described as a “fundamental design flaw” and to offer a non-repayable advance to vulnerable people.”

The panel heard testimonies from women who have struggled to navigate the new system with the five-week wait pushing them into prostitution to cover basic living costs.

A 21-year-old woman, known as ‘T’ to protect her identity, told the inquiry that she was abused as a child and hadn’t been to school since she was 11. She got a job in a café, then as a carer, but had to leave the job due to mental health issues.

She added that she was forced to use food banks and turn to sex work in order to pay her rent because she had to wait six weeks for her first Universal Credit payment. “It is horrible to say, but it is the easiest thing to keep us girls alive,” she said.

T told the inquiry that she found Jobseeker’s Allowance much easier because you could make an appointment with an adviser and sit down with them, whereas Universal Credit is all done online.

Advances are available for those waiting for their payments, however this must be paid back out of subsequence payments, which T struggled with. “I only spend £20 on gas and electric a fortnight…I am trying my best. £30 on shopping, not a penny over, because if I go a penny over I can’t get other stuff that I need, tampons and things,” she said.

“By the time I got [my first payment] I had spent it and then I was waiting another three to four weeks for my benefit.” She told the committee she was left with £52.50 to live on after £148 was paid back, and she now couch surfs with friends and eats Pot Noodles for dinner.

Another woman, known as M, who works in a brothel told the committee that is currently studying at university but is struggling to make ends meet.

“At the moment I am struggling to feed myself [and] to do basic things like laundry,” she told the inquiry. “Because I am currently a student, I am not eligible for Universal Credit.” She added that once she graduates she will apply but she’s frightened of the consequences of disclosing her work.

The committee’s chair, MP Frank Field, has called for the Department for Work and Pensions to take action and to consider “lived experience” of Universal Credit to improve the services and support for those turning to sex work.

A DWP spokesperson said: “We take all evidence presented to the Committee very seriously and are determined to ensure that no one finds themselves in this position.

“We are committed to providing a safety net for the most vulnerable in society and have made improvements to Universal Credit such as extending advances, removing waiting days, and introducing housing benefit run on.”

Gillian Guy, Chief Executive of Citizens Advice, said: “The benefits system is designed to help people with their finances in times of need, but too often our frontline staff and volunteers see a different story.

“We’ve found people are losing sleep and unable to afford essential things like food and housing while receiving Universal Credit. It is totally unacceptable that our benefits system is not providing the financial safety net that people need.

“The government needs to take urgent action by reducing the five-week wait for Universal Credit and ending the freeze on benefit rates.”

Margaret Greenwood, Labour MP for Wirral West and Shadow Secretary of State for Work and Pensions, said: “The findings of this report are truly shocking: it shows just how far Universal Credit is failing that some people feel that their only alternative to avoid destitution is to turn to sex work.

“When will the government finally wake up and realise that the five week wait for a first payment is pushing people into debt, food bank use and, in some cases, prostitution?

“Advances are not the answer, they are loans that have to be paid back, often along with other debts built up as a result of the five week wait.

“Labour will scrap Universal Credit, end the five week wait and ensure that our social security system treats people with dignity and respect.”

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The true lob is a classic, but there’s something about having your hair at an in-between length that triggers the itch to go even shorter. If you’re currently in that mid-length comfort zone, wondering what if I went short?, now’s the time to get the bob you’ve been thinking of — because one look at Saoirse Ronan‘s fresh new haircut is all the inspiration you’ll need.

For the past few months, the Irish actress has been sporting a shoulder-length lob, but come the first breeze of autumn, she upgraded to a short, blunt, jawline-skimming bob. The cut oozes sophistication and trims her face like a custom picture frame, proving what we already knew to be true: Sometimes shedding a few inches of dead weight can be truly transformational.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Adir Abergel (@hairbyadir) on Oct 24, 2019 at 9:38pm PDT

The cut comes courtesy of celebrity stylist Adir Abergel, the same talent who recently gave Charlize Theron the Linda Evangelista-inspired pixie everyone’s talking about. Abergel took to Instagram to share this profile shot of Ronan, which shows how the blunt blonde ends perfectly emphasise her full brows and high cheekbones.

We have to wait two more months to watch Ronan on the big screen in the much-anticipated 2019 film adaptation of Little Women, but surely her fresh new look will hold us over until December. If you ask us, by that point, the Saoirse bob will be everywhere.

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Tracey thought that she’d met the perfect man. He’d been married before, but the marriage was over. They fell in love quickly and she moved to LA to be with him.

Then everything fell apart: “I discovered a letter from my husband’s ex-wife showing me that they had slept together when my husband-to-be and I were a couple.” Tracey’s then husband denied all knowledge of the letter. “When I went to find it, it was gone. He then said I was making things up and imagining it.” As this escalated, he started isolating Tracey, falling out with neighbours, being rude to people in restaurants and picking apart her behaviour. “When he got to know my friends, he would tell me, one at a time, how each of them had something wrong with them. Over time, I lost contact with most of my friends.”

Tracey’s husband took advantage of the fact she has ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder), accusing her of losing things and making her question herself. “I would scrabble for words [and] he’d say that he had to ‘hurry me’, putting more pressure on me.” This gradual psychological manipulation to make someone doubt themselves is known as gaslighting and women with ADHD are more at risk than neurotypical women. 

Dr Stephanie Sarkis, a therapist and author of Gaslighting: Recognize Manipulative and Emotionally Abusive People – and Break Free, says: “I’ve specialised in ADHD for over 20 years, and [have seen] more and more people with ADHD in relationships or working in a place where gaslighting is happening.” Laws against coercive control were passed in 2015, meaning that abusive, controlling, threatening behaviour that has a “serious effect” is not only mentally damaging, it’s now also recognised as a crime.

Gaslighting is often very gradual, as Dr Sarkis explains. “It feels like someone is accepting them for them, and slowly turns into abuse. People with ADHD can be very vulnerable and have low self-esteem, they feel like they have to change to be accepted. They may unconsciously seek out someone that seems very pulled together, [but] the flip side of that is that those people can be very controlling. It’s part of coercive control.”

ADHD is a neurobehavioural disorder which is commonly characterised by impulsivity, inattentiveness and hyperactivity. Despite the disruptive schoolboy stereotype, prevalence is equal among women and men. There are two types of the disorder: hyperactive (what most people think of as ADHD) and inattentive, which manifests as more distractibility or daydreaming and forgetfulness. Because behaviours such as hyperactivity, interrupting conversations and messiness carry a heavier social burden for girls, women with either type of the disorder can often go undiagnosed until their 30s, 40s or even 50s.  

Research shows that by the age of 12, a child with ADHD has heard 20,000 more corrective or critical messages than their neurotypical counterparts. Likely one of the reasons people with ADHD suffer from low self-esteem, this is also one of the factors that makes them vulnerable to gaslighters. Victoria felt unworthy even before she was ready to get into a relationship: “Teachers would say I was lazy, or didn’t pay attention in class. I believed I was unlovable. I got blamed for a lot, even if I said I hadn’t done it, I wasn’t believed. When I went to my ADHD assessment my biggest fear was that I would be dismissed.”

A common aspect of ADHD is executive dysfunction – an inability to prioritise, plan and organise, which also includes problems with memory. Dr Sarkis explains how having ADHD means you are often already at capacity: “You have so many other things going on, you’re being pulled in so many different directions so it’s hard to see that a relationship is taking a turn toward abuse.” This plays a significant part in making someone vulnerable, as Victoria says. “Having a bad memory due to ADHD made me question myself even more. My boyfriends would say, ‘You’re really scatty, you don’t remember, you forget everything anyway’. I’d think, Did that really happen?“

The impulsivity of ADHD is also a risk factor, as gaslighters will often employ ‘lovebombing’, a period of intense affection and attention designed to manipulate which can mean throwing caution to the wind. “Gaslighters are very good at making people feel like they belong,” says Dr Sarkis. “You’ve been told your whole life you’re not good enough and suddenly someone is telling you you’re amazing.” ADHD also makes you more likely to be open and overshare, which can be dangerous with someone who is manipulative.

Tracey found the attention of lovebombing hard to refuse. “He told me how pretty I was, my hair was nice. The minute I was with him, that stopped and the control started. I didn’t even know him, I just wanted to be loved,” she says. Dr Sarkis also points out the links with child abuse in people with ADHD. Tracey’s childhood meant that she’d already learned to doubt herself: “My mother would hit me and when I would cry she would ask me what on earth I was crying for, making me question my own sanity. She’d then follow with dinner and cake like nothing had happened.” 

Emily, 31, married her husband after seven weeks. “I know it sounds stupid – it is stupid – but at the time, it felt romantic and fun. Looking back on it now, I can see my ADHD brain just getting caught up in all the excitement. I’m an oversharer, so my husband very quickly knew all my hopes, dreams, desires and fears.” Dr Sarkis says this is a deliberate tactic used by gaslighters. “They start asking very personal questions, they’re not asking you about family difficulties or fears because they care, it’s to collect information.” 

Emotional regulation is one aspect of executive dysfunction that an abuser can use to manipulate: “It’s fairly easy to wind us up into a hysterical state where we really do feel out of control. It’s easy to convince us that we are the ones being unreasonable,” Emily says. 

For Emily, memory problems added to her lack of confidence. “My memory is pretty bad, so when I’m put on the spot and I need to recall specific examples of something, I sometimes need a minute or two to think about it,” she says. “Someone abusive will use that against you. If someone I care about says I’m lying, I worry my brain might be letting me down because after all it has in the past.”

After Emily’s husband was physically violent towards her, she went to the police. It was only when writing a witness statement that she realised the extent of the abuse. “As I was writing the statement, I went through all of our chat logs. It took me two days to go through everything, I couldn’t believe how many incidents I’d just forgotten about,” she says. Emily lists a series of events, including being violent towards their cat, punching himself in the head repeatedly, and driving home dangerously after a drunken argument. “He told me it was my fault if someone got hurt,” she says. “When I saw it all written out in this statement, I was shocked. My brain doesn’t have enough space to remember all the bad things he did to me.” 

A hallmark of gaslighting is the abused person feeling like they’re unable to function outside of the relationship. “When I left the relationship in 2016 I was a broken person who was scared of life,” Tracey says. “I did not know if I could make it as I had become co-dependent. I would question my own sanity and cry myself to sleep night after night. I now see it was abuse and I was being manipulated.”

Victoria’s experiences of being gaslit have made it harder for her to trust people. “I’m less inclined to go out into the world and build new friendships or relationships. I’m scared of confrontation, I put a lot more thought into conversations.” She also relies on written communication and having a record of what’s been said: “I do chat a lot more on Messenger, or text, I’ll put thoughts down on there first.”

Dr Sarkis says that knowing about the dangers of gaslighting is essential. “Education is key, to know what these behaviours are. They might take you to counselling because they want you to get fixed. Forgiving yourself is really important, because this abuse starts really slowly – even therapists have had this.”

Self-care is a way to mitigate some of the symptoms, and treatment through medication and cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) also helps. “Break-ups tend to hit people with ADHD harder, you’re having to deal with crises all the time so you might not take time for yourself,” Dr Sarkis says. “Try to get on a good sleep schedule; exercise is the most effective non-medication treatment apart from counselling.”  

Building self-esteem and starting to establish boundaries is crucial. “A lot of people aren’t going to understand but you have to limit your contact with those people. ADHD is a genetic issue, you didn’t do anything wrong to have ADHD, you’re born with it.” 

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, please call the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247. It’s free and completely confidential.

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“Sama, you are the most beautiful thing in our life, but what a life I have brought you into.” The words of then 23-year-old Waad al-Kateab are choked as her camera pans around her family’s home, a small room with two beds pushed together, natural light blocked out by the sandbags piled up against the window in the hope they’ll offer protection from the bombs exploding outside.

Al-Kateab’s incredible film For Sama is a brutal depiction of the war in Syria, seen through the eyes of a young woman and her camera. The film, dedicated to Waad’s baby daughter, serves as an unflinching record of how she and her friends went from idealistic university students, dreaming of a fairer future in their country, to living a horrifying half-life surrounded by blood, terror and the deaths of those closest to them.

Waad, now 26, was in her fourth year of an economics degree in Aleppo when the Syrian revolution began, back in 2012. No doubt you remember it well; it started off determined and buoyant as students armed with a new weapon, social media, took to the streets peacefully, demanding an end to the oppressive Assad regime. They were spurred on by the events of the Arab Spring – similar movements happening across Tunisia, Egypt, Yemen and Libya. Huge protests were filmed on mobile phones and the videos sent out into the ether, appearing on computer and phone screens across the globe.

At the beginning of the film, Waad films young men graffitiing the walls of the university science block. “We are overthrowing President Bashar!” one calls. “Even if only on the walls.” “I am excited!” Waad shouts as she hurries her friend Hamza, a newly graduated doctor, to a protest where he’s going to act as a first aider. In the streets, thousands shout: “Raise your voice! Free students in Aleppo University!”

Of course, as we know now, everything changed as the regime started fighting back with unimaginable cruelty. A particularly brutal act which Waad catches on camera in early 2013 is the film’s signal that things are about to turn incredibly sour. It’s not long before Waad’s handheld camera goes from filming peaceful protests to capturing scenes so horrific, so unbearable, that were they not unfolding on a screen in front of you, it would be hard to fathom that they happened at all.

This is the achievement of Waad’s filmmaking. Her handheld camera, constantly on, wipes away the sanitisation of a news report. It eradicates the glossiness of a film. It forces the watcher to truly try and understand (as much as one can from a comfortable chair in a Western country) what horrors the Syrian people were forced to go through at the hands of their own government. Are still going through. Human emotion drives the film forwards.

Because it’s not just the daily bombings and shootings that the people of Aleppo had to deal with. For Sama shows how, when you’re fighting your own government, you’re left without so many things we take for granted. There is no fire service or military to pull people out of the rubble, no hospitals to treat the injured. It is this fact that turns Hamza from a clean-cut, newly graduated idealistic doctor to a wild-eyed activist, running a hospital that he himself set up, now responsible for treating the thousands of injured and dying in the city.

It is the people who take centre stage in For Sama. It is impossible not to notice the unbearably human reactions in such extraordinary circumstances. It is Waad flinching as a bomb hits nearby, then forcing herself to physically relax before picking up Sama to flee. It is in Waad’s friend teaching his young daughter not to look both ways before crossing the street, but what to do if she hears Russian warplanes approaching. It is in the woman laughing heartily as she relays the story of worrying she was bleeding, only to realise the wetness was her daughter, so terrified that she’d wet herself. It is in baby Sama’s innocent eyes as she stares unquestioningly at the only world she’s known, unaware that her sleep shouldn’t be interrupted nightly by exploding shells and the sounds of dying.

For Sama is not an easy watch. Waad’s filmmaking partner, Edward Watts admits to having had to cover the screen when viewing some of Waad’s original footage, and most viewers at home will no doubt have to do the same. The film is, however, an unimaginably important watch. Syria, brought to its knees by the nearly eight-years-long conflict, has been relegated to an afterthought in news reports, despite an ever rising death toll. The refugee crisis, which hit peak media coverage with the death of 3-year-old Alan Kurdi, whose body washed up on a Turkish beach in 2015, has not gone away. The UN estimates there are 6.7 million refugees from Syria, many still in camps, many still dying as they make treacherous journeys overseas. Just yesterday, Amnesty International reported that Turkey had “tricked or forced” hundreds of refugees back into Syria. And winter is coming. Fifteen refugee children died this past January at a camp on the Jordanian border due to freezing conditions.

As for Syria itself, the country’s fate now appears to sit in the hands of Turkey and the Assad regime-supporting Russia after Donald Trump’s controversial decision to remove US troops from northwestern Syria. The idealistic future that the original revolution hoped for is almost certainly not going to materialise.

For Sama will leave you feeling helpless. But desperate to do something. So what? Helping people figure that out is what comes next for Waad. She’s setting up a campaign called Action For Sama which will work to provide aid and relief to Syrians affected by targeted attacks on hospitals & civilians and is inviting people to get involved. So do it. Still in the early stages, their website can be found here and their Twitter account here. Reach out, get involved and for God’s sake, encourage everyone you know to watch this film.

For Sama is on Channel 4 at 9pm on Saturday 26th October and afterwards on All4

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The Ribble Valley in Lancashire is the happiest place in the UK, according to the latest figures from the Office for National Statistics (ONS).

The ONS asked people across the UK to answer the question “how happy did you feel yesterday?” on a scale of 1 to 10, then calculated the average from area to area.

The Ribble Valley, a largely rural area which contains the market town of Clitheroe and the Forest of Bowland, a designated Area of Outstanding Natural Beauty, came out on top with an average happiness level of 8.30.

The Orkney Islands off the coast of Scotland and the cathedral city of Chichester in West Sussex were right behind, both with an average happiness level of 8.29. Check out the top five below:

1. Ribble Valley, Lancashire (8.30)

2. Orkney Islands (8.29)

2. Chichester, West Sussex (8.29)

4. Hambleton, Rutland (8.19)

5. Fylde, Lancashire (8.18)

The average happiness level across the UK was found to be 7.56 – a slight rise from 7.52 the previous year. Surrey Heath was found to be the least happy place in the UK, followed rather surprisingly by South Ribble – an area actually which borders the Ribble Valley.

Check out the five least happy places below.

1. Surrey Heath, Surrey (6.71)

2. South Ribble, Lancashire (7.02)

3. Lincoln, Lincolnshire (7.09)

4. Worcester, Worcestershire (7.14)

5. Norwich, Norfolk (7.15)

The ONS’s “Personal well-being in the UK” report, which covers the period from April 2018 to March 2019, also asked people to rate their anxiety on a scale of 1 to 10.

As well as being named the least happy place in the UK, Surrey Heath was found to be the most anxious. Residents there registered an average anxiety score of 3.92 out of 10.

Other areas in the top five for anxiety included Melton in Leicester (3.79), Epsom and Ewell in Surrey (3.69) and the London boroughs of Lambeth (3.67) and Kensington and Chelsea (3.63).

Meanwhile, anxiety levels in Northern Ireland were found to have increased from 2.53 to 2.83 year-on-year – a higher rise in 12 months than anywhere else in the UK.

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