Moving in with your significant other comes with a host of benefits. Suddenly, you have someone to split the chores with, someone to cook for (or if you're lucky, be cooked for by!), and maybe even someone to kill the bugs you're too afraid to squash. Plus, it kind of feels like you're at a sleepover all the time, except since you're not eight anymore, you can stay up as late as you want without having to whisper. Adulthood: It has its benefits!
But if you're the kind of person who craves a lot of alone time or who is particular about their stuff and their physical space, it can present some challenges. And that goes double if you're sharing a relatively small flat, home, or just a bedroom. "Coexisting in the same space can be psychologically challenging, especially if you’ve been use to having your own place. We like our stuff, we like them to be organised a certain way, we have systems and structure. When our stuff is touched, moved and our system messed with, it could feel like an invasion," cautions Dr. Kathrine Bejanyan, a dating and relationship consultant.
It's easy to feel like you're going to scream — or maybe swear off romantic relationships forever — if you have to observe your special someone's receipt collection littered across the table one more time. Or, you know, whatever your pet peeve is. But there are ways to get by, and even strengthen your relationship, in small spaces. Read on for expert-sourced tips that will ensure what you thought would be a sweet little home doesn't morph into the ultimate couple killer.
Figure Out Your Aesthetic As A Couple
You might have a clear-cut idea of what your personal style is, but how does that mesh with what they are drawn to? Anything you put into a smaller space is going to play a big role in how that space looks and feels, so you want to be on the same page. "It's really important to start with a cohesive idea of what you want your space to look like: reference images together, discuss what you envision your space to look like — talking it out is key," Ariel Okin, an interior designer with Homepolish, suggests. Pinterest can be a great tool for this, as it allows you to easily share inspiring images and possible purchases.
photographed by Jessica Nash.
Don't Be Afraid To Purge
Inevitably, in this conversation about aesthetics, it's going to come up that each of you probably owns a piece or two that the other hates with the fire of a thousand visually offensive suns. Whether it's their weird charity shop lampshade or your fake leather couch, sacrifices and compromises will probably need to be made. "It's important to take stock of what both of you will be bringing (if you're combining pieces) or if you're starting fresh, what you want your 'splurge' pieces to be. Communication is always the answer!" says Okin.
photographed by Gunnar Larson.
Make Space For Each Other
Similarly, Dr. Bejanyan emphasises the importance of ensuring that both parties feel they have ample space for themselves and their things. This is especially crucial if one of you is moving into a place where the other has already been living. Whether it's taking out-of-season clothes out of the wardrobe or creating extra room on the book shelf so your favourite reads can co-habitate too, small actions can go a long way in making it feel like a truly shared home.
"When you’re warring about where the shoes go – the shoe-rack or thrown on the floor – stop for a sec and ask each other why this is so important for the other person that they’re willing to tear their hair out over it," Bejayan explains. "Trying to understand and accommodate each other’s style can significantly deepen the understanding and respect in the relationship and make it easier to live together."
photographed by Winnie Au.
Speaking Of Wardrobes...
In cramped flats and houses, wardrobe space is usually at a premium. But that doesn't mean it has to be the source of tension for you and your S.O. "Many of my clients in NYC share small spaces in creative ways. If you and your cohabitant happen to be sharing a closet, creating an equitable division of the space — and getting crafty with boxes, risers, and unused areas, like top storage — makes for an easily shareable situation," Okin notes.
photographed by Amelia Alpaugh.
Realize That No Space Is Too Small For Storage
Many flats, especially in cities, have weird nooks and crannies that no one knows what to do with. Even though they may seem awkward, the solution is storage. "Oftentimes, people forget about the top parts of their closets, pantries and more," says Okin. "Every square inch is usable!"
Is it kind of weird to keep your collection of travel souvenirs on that odd little shelf between the door and the bed? Certainly! But life is weird, so get onboard.
photographed by Erin Yamagata.
Be Discerning About What You Buy
Chances are, if you're living in a small space, you don't have a ton of extra cash lying around to make big-ticket furniture prices, so make sure that the stuff you do throw down for is something you both really like and agree upon. After all, nothing's worse than looking at your coffee table every day and remembering the big fight you had over it, right?
photographed by Molly DeCoudreaux.
Employ All Those Space Maximisation Tips
You know all those tips you always hear about how to make small spaces seem bigger? Yeah, you always hear them for a reason! They really work. According to Okin, "There are many ways to fake the illusion of grander square footage or taller ceilings. Placing drapery at the very top of the ceiling (instead of directly above the top of the window) makes your ceiling height visually double."
"Keeping things in a lighter colour scheme also diffuses light in a way that allows a space to breathe a bit more; dark colours can eat up light when used in large scale (like the entire flat), but some darker shades, like navy, can feel cosy in a bedroom or powder room."
photographed by Gunnar Larson.
Create New Customs Together
It's easy to cling to how things were done in the home where you grew up, or in the last place you lived. But part of the fun of living with someone you love and trust (and, again, of being an full-fledged grown-up) is that you get to do things your way, whatever you decide that should look like. "I’d recommend coming up with new habits or customs that are specific to you as a couple," Dr. Bejanyan "Cuddling every morning for just a few minutes before rolling out of bed or meeting each other at the door when one of you comes home are small but significant ways of recognising the important solidarity and 'we-ness' of the relationship."
The home items you buy can help support this mission. Whether you decide to invest in super-comfy bedding for maximum cuddleability, or a great coffee machine and bean grinder so you can have top-notch coffee together in the mornings, think about the intention behind the objects you buy as a couple.
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